Please let me hold you a little longer

Remember the days when your child would only fall asleep if you rocked him?

Remember the days when you had to wake up every 2 hours to feed him?

Remember the days when you were all your child needed?

Remember the days?

Because I sure do.

 

My little baby is 3 years old and although still considered my baby, he is actually his own little man, in his own right.

And lately, he just doesn’t want me to hold him. Doesn’t want my cuddles in bed. Doesn’t want me read the story. I have to fight with him, in order to let me know do these things.

Is it possible to feel rejection from your child? Because I definitely feel it.

 

It really is nothing bad, but a mother knows how to feel bad about herself. The world is so hard on mothers, other mothers are so hard on us… but no-one is harder on us then ourselves.

The second guessing…. The worrying …. The “am I doing the right thing?”… The “Do I show my love enough?”

It never ends. Damn you Mommy guilt, Damn you!

Last year, Connor and I spent the year alone, I was his everything, there was no one else to offer a story or offer to handle bath time. I was swamped but there was nothing but love.

This year, I’ve moved in with my mother in law (whom I love dearly, oh so dearly) and it was a relief to have some assistance, for someone else to tackle the bath time tantrum, or wake up with Connor in the morning to watch a movie. I enjoyed not having to act like an octopus and have 8 arms to tackle 8 different things at one time.

But, the downfall is, my son tossed me aside. hahaha.. Okay, so not literally but that’s how it feels in my head.

He loves his granny dearly, and why wouldn’t he. Granny’s are the best. They let you get away with things that your parents would have been throttled for.

A grandmothers love runs deeper than you can imagine. It’s because the thing that they love most in the world, created a miracle. A miracle that is part of their child and in turn, a part of them. ~ Disney Mom

So my midnight cuddles were soon not good enough for my bean! Granny’s bed is sooo sooo sooo much better.

What’s so great about granny’s bed?, I ask myself all the time.

And I have to chuckle, because I slept in my grans bed until I was about 8 years old (Basically around the time that she past away). So we always laugh at home, about why do I get so upset over it?

I think the difference is, I miss my child, all the time, even when I’m around him. Also, back then, my mother didn’t really mind where we slept, as long as we slept.

This is me & my Gagga ( My Moms, Mom)

I’m so thankful that Connor has a bond with his Granny, like I had with my Gagga.

BUT, can you give me a cuddle every now and then too? Thanks!

All self pity and venting aside. There is one time that your child will always turn to you first. When the are sick, or hurt or had a bad day.

As much as they might tell you:

“Go away, I’m sleeping in granny’s bed”

“Stop it”

“You Stay”

You are your child’s safety net, their home, their center.

Regardless of how my unexplained and often irrational mommy guilt, makes me feel.

My child loves me!

No-one said Motherhood was easy, but they definitely said it would be worth it!