Some days I loathe being a grown-up, especially when I must make tough decisions that will impact my future and most importantly, my sons.
When I look back on past decisions I’ve had to make (as it’s not the first time I have felt like this and it won’t be the last), I can see the positive and the negative outcomes from those decisions. They are always made me a better and stronger person.
But when you faced head on with a new journey, its daunting, as you don’t know which is the right decision in the long run. You can’t see the results of your actions.
Its big life decisions that can make me want to hide away and not have to deal with them… because I’m scared of making the wrong choice. Even after weighing up the pro’s and con’s I can’t seem to decide.
Life isn’t easy and our choices are never easy, but they are ours. Although it would be helpful to find a secret manual that has all the answers…. But where’s the fun and growth in that?
With every action comes a reaction, sometimes welcoming and sometimes not.
Often the choices I’m faced with have 2 doors. The 1st door is stay with the familiar, it’s the rational choice. The choice that many outsiders would make for me. The 2nd door is the leap of faith, walking into the unknown. Taking a chance and hoping that everything will work out. This can also be an irresponsible choice at times.
I’ve taken the leaps of faith pathways before, and somehow it has always worked out, it hasn’t been easy and there has been loss, heartbreak and stress along the way but I always seem to come out stronger, so why shouldn’t I do it this time?
Why can’t the choice be clear… like this is the path you must take… no questions, no hesitation.
Being a mother means that you can’t only make decisions for yourself, you must make decisions that are in the best interest of both your child and yourself.
With big choices comes procrastination. Fear that I might not make the right decision, sleeping on the choice becomes a week long stressed out experiment. I know I must think about my choices but I don’t want to because I don’t know which choice to make.
Rational & realistic or take a chance and hope for the best?
I suppose it also doesn’t help when you have limited time to decide.
So I’m going to sleep on again, but I think I know which path I must take this time around. Either way, they both require Trust, that the Lords plans for me are greater than my own.