I came across this question last night on a Facebook group that I belong to, called “Married to an addict”.
The answer came to me like a flood, and here it is…
I stay because behind the addiction lies a broken and trapped man; a man that is funny, caring and kind-hearted. A man that so just wants to be accepted for who he is… a man who I accept.
Loving an addict is not easy and its not for everyone, but they are human too. Humans who are sadly riddled with a disease that attempts to kill them at every turn.
I stay because my vows are more then a couple words on a paper, they are promises. “I know and accept your strengths and weaknesses and still choose you over anyone else”, “I will celebrate with you through the good times and struggle with you through the bad times”;”I vow to always inspire And encourage you, to lift you up when you are down”.
Yes, Chris made vows too and they weren’t kept, so why should I keep to mine? Because 2 wrongs don’t make a right! Because that’s what the addiction wants, it wants me to turn my back on him… it wants me to forget him – because that’s when the addiction wins and we all lose.
So as much as I have detached and made tough decisions, said awful things and at times believed it was over…. that slither of hope was always there; because at the end of the day… LOVE is a beautiful thing, that can withstand many trials and tribulations.
I stay because the man that is in recovery now, is the man I have always fought for; the man that I have always believed in and the man I have always loved! For the first time, he isn’t only CLEAN but he is SOBER and living in RECOVERY!
And lastly I stay, because that’s what I would want if the tables were turned, if I was the one with a massive problem that required love and support even when I didn’t deserve it or appreciate it! I would like to know that deep down I’m a still good person, that lost my way and that I’m still loved through all layers of deceit and pain.
So that’s why I stay!
Margaret Thatcher said “You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it!”