When Chris first went into rehab in 2012, I was 20 years old and had no idea what we were in for.
I remember being 100% committed to him and supporting him. I lived Sunday to Sunday only; for 3 months I was taken by either Chris’s dad, brother or friends (didn’t have a car at that stage) to Scottburgh to visit Chris for 4 hours only. I did not miss a Sunday.
All I could think about was when the 3 months were completed – then our lives can begin as everything would be fixed!! Haha, I can only laugh at how little I knew then.
In a way I wasn’t fully equipped to deal with the Chris that has now found recovery, I couldn’t understand the need for meetings. I mean, in my naive mind, he had just spent 3 months away from me and now he was to go to a meeting every night… what about me?? Gosh I sound selfish there… and I was, but it wasn’t intentionally, I was just uneducated.
I had very little understanding of how the community works or the sayings ” One addict helping another is without parallel” or “we can only keep what we have by giving it away” and just how important theses things are for a member in recovery. For my Husband.
Another importance aspect is friendship, which I couldn’t grasp either. Having friends and a strong support system was overlooked on my part initially, I thought I was all he needed. But although he needs the support from loved ones he also needs that constant contact and understanding from people in the rooms who know exactly how his mind works and how hard it is to fight for your sobriety.
I understand now, I understand that I can not be first and foremost, If I am – then its inevitable that we will get to the point again, where I don’t exist…. his sobriety comes first and that is just they way it has to be. If not, the addiction wins and we all lose; lose a husband, a father, a son…
It’s almost like his hobby in way, to put it in simple terms, when he goes to his meetings – its like another person going to gym, or pottery /scrap booking classes. Except the addict needs the constant interaction to remind them of where they been and where they never want to return too!
Would you give up on your husband if he had cancer and had to attend chemo treatments every week, chances are you wouldn’t – so why do people expect spouses to just ditch their husbands or wives the moment things gets to hot to handle. Addiction is devastating and heartbreaking, not to mention how much the addict goes through. It takes a whole lot of HOPE, mountains of FAITH and a sea’s of unconditional TOUGH LOVE!
Don’t be so quick to judge the next person that doesn’t meet your standards, you don’t know them and you don’t know their story!