Mommy guilt is something a lot of parents can relate to. It can be something small like, leaving your child with their grandparents while you have a night out with some friends to something much more serious, like having a c-section vs natural birth.
I’m hit with this guilt often. Life gets so hectic on the best of days and we often just crave that little time to ourselves as woman or more so, as humans.
Recently I had my dear friend, Sherell, home from France for 2 weeks and twice during that period, I left my precious son with his granny for a sleepover and I went to hang out with my friends. It’s not something I do often. Actually I can count the amount of times I have slept away from my son on 1 hand. But although I thoroughly enjoyed myself (and recharged the mommy batteries) I cant help but feel guilty. My mind is never off my Son. Of course he is none the wiser and gets spoilt rotten by his dear granny.
The mommy guilt can sometimes be a real curse though…. following Connors Birth story, you would of found out that my birth plan didn’t quite go as according to how i had it set out in my mind. Once I had recovered from the surgery and the first 6 weeks (which is quite a blur) I had this painful guilt that I did not give birth the way natural ended. Sounds fickle I know. But that’s what weighs heavy on my heart.
My body failed me (in my narrow mindset). My overworked brain was flooded with all the What Ifs:
What if I just waited a little longer? Given him a little more time to come naturally?
What if I choose to be induced? Maybe there wouldn’t of been any danger?
My mother in law reminded me that I got my son here safety and that’s all that matters. My aunt reassures me that it could of been dangerous for both of us and we made the best decision for our Son. This is true. Although it doesn’t change the guilt I feel.
I feel robbed of a natural birth experience. Robbed of being able to feel contractions. Robbed of being able to push. Robbed of been able to hold my son straight away.
It’s a constant reminder everyday that I am no less of a woman because of how I gave birth.
If its God Plan for me to have another child, then I will definitely attempt a VBAC (Vagina Birth after c-section) As long as is there is no real danger to my child…. but we can cross that bridge if it arrives.
It’s definitely work in progress but I will remind myself to be thankful for the blessing, I call my son. Thankful for his healthy and happy nature. Thankful that i was able to carry a child within my body. What a miracle that is!
Thanks Mickey! I will constantly remind myself not dwell on the birth experience but rather the experience that is Connors Life.
P.S. Mommy guilt even comes along when you busy cooking dinner and your child wants to play puzzles. Sometimes you just got to burn the rice in order to make memories with your kids!
My dearest Connor Bean, mommy loves you to infinity and beyond.